Living Yoga: Yoga and raw foods for radiant health and energy

My Fasting Story Part I
By Ellen Livingston

For many years I knew that I wanted to undertake a long fast, on water alone. Having suffered for more than twenty years from a debilitating array of different maladies, and having sampled an even wider array of treatments and therapies, I knew I needed something big, something powerful, to heal myself.

In 2001 I learned of natural hygienist Dr. D.J. Scott and his fasting retreat center in Ohio. I spoke with Dr. Scott, and learned that I was a good candidate for a fast of two weeks or longer, with just water and lots of bed-rest. I was ready to go! But what about my nursing baby? And it cost so much, and my husband did not like the idea at all . . . there were too many obstacles, it seemed. I stayed home and kept on struggling to heal.

I soon discovered the world of raw food diets, and realized I had found a kernel of the truth I was seeking. With much excitement and commitment I began my raw food journey. I hired a coach (who, unfortunately, led me down an unsustainable path). I began to feel much better right away, but I became unable to maintain a healthy weight.

In 2003 I was fortunate to meet natural hygienists Dr. Douglas Graham and Prof. Rozalind Gruben-Graham. It wasn't long before Dr. Graham suggested an extended, resting fast for me, given my symptoms. As I insisted that situations in my life precluded a long fast away from home, Dr. Graham agreed to help me improve my diet and lifestyle. We both hoped that healing could be accomplished without the aid of a fast.

I participated in many, many months of personal coaching, first with the Grahams' friend Dr. Timothy Trader, a most compassionate healer in the natural hygiene tradition who helped me get on the right track, and then with both Rozalind and Doug Graham. I put on some healthy weight, gained new vitality, healed many bothersome symptoms, and learned to mostly manage my primary presenting symptom, esophagitis. But painful and debilitating bouts of inflammation did not cease, and it became clear that complete healing was not being accomplished. Damaged esophageal tissue presents a particular healing challenge, as food of any kind must come into contact with the open sores every time one eats.

Every few months Doug gently reminded me that an extended fast was indicated. I resisted for four more years, coming to the conclusion over and over again that the obstacles to a fast could not be overcome. I do not believe I was afraid of the fast itself, except that I did not want to re-experience the psychological challenge of becoming seriously under-weight. In 2007 I was brought to my knees by esophageal pain attacks that were increasing in both duration and intensity. The suffering became unbearable, and I was frightened. For two weeks I tried the strong drugs recommended by my M.D. They didn't help. I made the decision to complete a fast under Dr. Graham's experienced supervision.

I realized that, strangely, I had viewed signing up for the fast as the ultimate admission of personal failure - an admission that I could not create a sufficiently healthful environment and lifestyle at home, and therefore had to surrender helplessly. This stubborn self-denigration had been fueling my resistance to the fast. With this new awareness I was able to shift my perspective, and to view signing up for the fast as the ultimate act of healthy self-love, and as an act of courage, not helplessness. Empowered by this insight, I began to confront my perceived "obstacles". There were many: the money, my fledgling business, a needy puppy, my homeschooled children, my now ex-husband's misunderstanding and resistance, and my frightened parents. But by now my resolve was firm: I saw that fasting was my best shot at healing my body, and my best chance for a healthy life free of this agonizing pain I had endured for more than 20 years. I knew that healing myself was the best thing that I could do for my children, too.

With the obstacles not yet overcome, but an inner conviction that I was on the right path, I bought a plane ticket to Costa Rica and secured for myself one of the two last available spots in the Grahams' next fasting retreat, still several months away.

My decision was made, and I felt empowered! I remained strong and clear through all the challenges of making logistical arrangements and dealing with anxious family members. I had plenty of time to build a web of support to carry my children (and puppy) securely through my six week absence. By the time I was packing up to go, I had everything lined up beautifully to support my healing journey. All the necessary logistics were accounted for, and though my ex-husband and my parents were not comfortable with the fast, they were, in the end, supportive. My children courageously encouraged me from beginning to end.

With just two weeks to go before my departure, I got cold feet. I had conversations with three people who each cast a negative light on Doug's fasting retreats, and I began to question whether Doug would provide the compass I believed I needed to navigate potentially turbulent and perhaps unknown emotional territory during the fast. I confessed my doubts to Doug in an email, and with his simple, direct style that I have come to cherish and respect, he helped me nestle right back into a comfortable place of safety and trust. Now I was really ready to go.

In the wee hours of the morning my plane was due for take-off, a huge snow storm hit. My phone rang at 4 a.m., jolting me out of bed. It was my taxi driver, saying we needed to leave an hour earlier on account of the 10 inches of snow! I looked out the window and my heart sank. I could not imagine making the 25-mile drive to the airport in this mess, and wondered if planes would even be taking off. It seemed that yet another obstacle had reared up in my path. I surrendered the outcome to the Universe, and got myself ready to go.

It was a harrowing drive on unplowed expressways, and many cars were off the road in ditches. But somehow we made it to the airport with so much time to spare that I was able to take an earlier flight, and I made it onto my connecting flight to Costa Rica despite all the storm-caused flight delays. The Universe provided.

It is thus that I finally arrived at Doug Graham's fasting retreat on New Year's Day, 2008, six years after knowing that my body, mind and spirit needed the long, complete rest provided only by Nature's greatest healer, a fast.

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